Finding Out I Was The Side Chick

Last year, I downloaded the dating app OkCupid, seeking validation and compliments on my appearance. Eventually, I met someone on the app, and we developed a relationship. Over time, I grew to believe they were the right person for me, as they understood my tumultuous relationship with my father, shared my sense of humor, and other important aspects.

I began to fall deeply in love with this person, feeling overwhelmed in a positive way. They brought me confidence, courage, and motivation. However, not all good things last. As the months passed, we started having more arguments and disagreements, and the bad days outnumbered the good.

At some point, I mentioned that I was comfortable with my body and didn't mind taking the mick. However, despite initially being okay with it, the frequency and impact of fat jokes increased, even when I was simply showing off an outfit. These jokes started to hurt me.

Additionally, they had a running gag of saying "I don't care," which they said was just a harmless, daily expression. Initially, I understood, but the frequency of hearing it began to affect me and my willingness to share with them.

Eventually, I reached a point where I felt embarrassed to share my day with them or show them my outfits because I knew I wouldn't receive a positive response. I mustered the courage to discuss my feelings with them, hoping they would stop, but they responded by saying I should have told them earlier.

I didn't understand their reaction because I believed I had expressed my feelings before reaching a breaking point. I felt like sharing my feelings was an inconvenience to them. This scenario happened more than once, but this particular incident was the most significant for me.

Towards the end of the relationship, we had numerous fights and days where we barely spoke. I can't recall the specific reasons for my anger towards a fight we had, but I remember telling them I didn't want to talk and they replied something along the lines of “Don’t talk to me, Don’t message me, I will talk to you whenever I am interested”

That was when I reached my breaking point and decided to end the relationship because I realised there was no reason for me to continue feeling this way.

I take responsibility for potentially instigating the fight and initiating the breakup. After I ended things, they said they didn't want to speak to me ever again, feeling that I had wasted their time. In a fit of anger, I might have said the same thing.

However, we eventually resumed talking, and in a moment of emotional weakness, I asked if we could still be friends because I wasn't ready to let go of someone I loved so deeply at that time.

As time went on, we tried to maintain a friendship, but there were occasional playful interactions. In hindsight, I regret engaging in those interactions.

Yesterday, I received an Instagram message revealing that they had been seeing someone else while we were together.

I was completely shocked by this revelation, left speechless and unable to respond. I felt hurt and betrayed, having invested so much emotion, vulnerability, and love into our relationship.

I hold no ill will towards the other person involved, as she likely feels the same way as I do. I hope she finds someone better, but discovering that the person I loved was cheating on me and her is painful.

It feels like a scene out of a movie. It feels like a movie. A painful movie.

I know I’ll heal and move on eventually, but for now, I will grieve.