The Eldest Daughter

i saw this trend on tiktok where people were talking about how their older sister traumatised them and as an older sister, i would like to talk about it

i’m not invalidating what y’all went through with your sisters at all; but y’all aren’t telling, or at least seeing the entire story

everyone who is born after the eldest daughter has a privileged position in the household and they are very aware of it. you know that your older sister has to take care of everything, and you don’t; but some of y’all abuse that privilege and become the bitchiest, laziest, most entitled people i have ever seen.

so picture the eldest daughter, running around, trying to maintain a tight ship. she’s helping her parents, she’s helping her siblings, all while no one is helping her. why? bc it’s her god-given role to be parent.jr.

she’s under pressure from stuff at home, stuff at school or work, her own personal problems and

sometimes, she snaps

and you happen to be there

i’m not saying that your sister taking her frustrations out on you was the proper thing to do, but you don’t see everything that happened before that, everything that led up to it, and you sure as hell don’t tell the whole story.

i am the oldest daughter of a family with a deceased mother. i took over the "mother" role 5 months after i turned 16. i have to admit that it was incredibly hard to hear "you have to look after your family, you're the mother now" from relatives at her wake. my family was allowed to grieve and i was told to push my grief aside to make sure they were okay. guess they wanted me to start right away.

taking on the caregiver role at such a young age did do it's damage to me, in addition to the added stress and pressure. i was no longer enjoying my youth, my life, i was looking out for everyone else.

i was my father's in-house therapist while no one was mine.

i couldn't be out late, i had to make sure there was food on the table by the time everyone got home. weekend plans? laundry and cleaning. even if i did have plans, no one would take over to clean the house or do whatever was necessary while i gone. a thrilling youth experience.

a part of me felt angry, for this burden, for my youth being stolen. for the unwanted responsibilities of a much older, wiser person being thrust onto me on a whim

a part of me felt terrible because this is how my mother must've felt. alone, stressed, the constant ache of putting everyone else's needs before hers. it took her death for me to understand how she felt; and i only wish i understood sooner so that i could help.

but i am my mother now.

my family is my responsibility. granted i was only 16, but i was in charge of everything; and if anything went wrong, i was berated. i was berated for handling adult responsibilities like a child.

years of berating, constant pressure and stress will get to you. but it gets worse when your family has become accustomed to you as the "mother" and refuses to help. because mothers know how to do everything on their own, right? just let them be, just tell them what you need, they'll take care of it.

i felt alone, like the whole world was against me.

and some days, i would just snap.

but what did everyone see?

an ungrateful daughter with anger issues, taking it out on her family

not a girl who became a woman before she was ready.

i am the eldest daughter, it's my job to serve.